I am considering resigning my position as Board member and Moderator of our church. How can I lead a congregation of people when some in the congregation think I am not fit to lead? We are a group of people who have been discriminated against because of who we love and now we are turning on our own and doing the same. I don't really care if someone disagrees with who I love but I do care that they make assumptions and then act on those assumptions without ever attempting to find out the truth. Here is a prime example of this: We have some new people at our church and the first few Sundays they really enjoyed the worship and especially the singing which I lead. They even had commented on the sweet spirit that seemed to be present while I was leading worship. They even went so far as to say the Sunday evening service was lacking that "spirit" because myself and another person do not attend the Sunday evening services. Now I would probably take issue with the Spirit thing but that isn't the point here. They overheard a conversation that gave them some false information a couple of Sundays ago. The next time we were in church together they had changed their opinion of me and no longer thought that I was worth their time to even speak to. They made an assumption and then acted on it without ever finding out the truth or even caring to find out the truth. Finding the truth is often much harder than just making an assumption. Making that assumption requires no energy on our part and requires no face to face conversation with those whom you are making the assumption about. While the assumption takes no action on the part of the one assuming, it requires an enormous amount of time and energy and pain from those who the assumption is about. I personally had to have several conversations with people who had been exposed to this assumption. These conversations weren't exactly pleasant and they often revealed parts of me that I had not intended to discuss at that moment with those people. I didn't make the mess but I had to clean it up. The thing that bothers me the most about these assumptions is that they came from people who are leaders in our church and one who would like to be a leader in our church. Here is the problem I have with remaining in a leadership role in this church: If those who are leaders will do this then how can they lead a congregation. I cannot fight forever for a congregation of people who prefer this type of leadership. I have a real problem with the one who would like to be a leader in our church but so easily made her assumption and acted on it. If that is the level of integrity then they have no business leading people anywhere. If she couldn't even have a conversation to find out the truth before she acted on it, then what kind of message will she send to a congregation full of people who are vulnerable and desperately need integrity and honesty and true leadership? The sad thing is that these people choose this type of leadership. They don't want to know the truth and they don't want to grapple with their faith and their relationship with God. The book of James tells us that our salvation should be worked out with fear and trembling. I believe this refers to a struggle to find the truth, to work out that which we believe and the way in which we are going to live. It doesn't mean we just make assumptions and act on them. There certainly isn't much work in that and certainly no soul searching and grappling with God or our faith.
So if this is the leadership they want then why do I bang my head against a wall with them. I am not always full of truth and integrity but I will give it all I have to try and find that truth and act on it rather than an assumption. I can only conclude from this that they do not want a person like me in leadership whether it is because of how I live or how I lead. It seems the same thing to me. But then I guess I may be making an assumption.
wow...lots to say, yet don't know how to say it. i totally agree that we as a people who have been discriminated against have turned inward and are ripping one another apart.
ReplyDeleteNow, why do you keep banging your head against the wall??? Because God chose you for this time and this place...ad listen to me....when we are not where God has shown us to be, we become miserable....you already knew that, and I just recently found that out!
Well, I am speechless..... All I can say is it isn't the music they are talking about, the spirit of the Lord was with us Sunday night this past week, it was awesome, I think they are talking about our leader not delivering what could be. But if it is the music, maybe I should stop going on Sunday evenings. Our church is growing, and I believe T.D. Jakes, he stated in his message, that there is a time of reaping and sowing, and we are in growing Pains. Maybe I am wrong, but I think it says in the bible, if you have an ott against someone, those two need to work it out. Without forgiveness, all are bound for Hell. You do what your heart tells you to do, but it is the Devil talking to you.
ReplyDeletenot sure how to put my name in this, and the URL I am not certain about, so I just put anonymous, but it is me >>>>> Jeffrey
ReplyDeleteMany in the gay community continues to look for acceptance by the straight world. Why is it that gay couples try very hard to mimic straight gender roles and lifestyles? I think this is an attempt to socially blend and to be seen as normal and legitimate. A strategy for finding that acceptance is to prove that gay people are not so different from straight people. We do this by using butch-femme roles, having ceremonies, going to church, setting up two parent families and many other acts both big and small. So when members of a subculture start to move in a way that is even further from the mainstream those who are seeking a stamp of "normal" on their life are not going to be happy. It makes sense to me that inside of a traditional congregation that one might find the most conservative of our community. So I have to say that I believe that change within our own community comes with education and exposure just as it does with the rest of the world. I am not looking for acceptance. I feel normal in my own choices and I accept myself and rejoice in the love I know. So I for one will let them look, question, judge and make assumptions. However they will little by little be seeing me and hopefully in knowing who I am they will find it increasingly difficult to act in a way that they themselves would not want to be treated.
ReplyDeleteWhen I read back over your blog or listen to you talk about church I think often of Moses and his struggle to lead. As the leader of this church you are charged with two main jobs. The first is to protect your congregation from outside threats. Like Moses you are leading these people out of oppression and slavery. Protection is given when members of the gay community come in the door and realize they will be treated with dignity because in that place they are believed to be one of god's children regardless of what they have been told in the past. Protection comes when those who are poor, ill or addicted walk in and are led to the feet of Jesus in worship or offered the loaf of communion because YOU continuously remind us that none are worthy without grace and mercy. Finally you protect this church in very real tangible administrative ways such as dealing with bills, the building, and decision making.
The second way you lead like Moses is by trying to lead your people into lives of personal integrity. This is seems to be the more difficult of the two tasks. We will not be truly free until we find unity and the ability to depend on one another. I know that you love the image of Christ as a Shepard, and it doesn't escape me that Moses had to first learn to care for sheep before he was ready to lead a nation. Look back on what you have written...You are angry over the poor relational skills of a people who need to be taught and lead. You mention having to clean up a little mess by having difficult conversations with some people. You have to know that with every conversation a lesson was taught in honesty and integrity. You did the gentle work of a Shepard.
You are right...how you lead and how you live are exactly the same. I am so very thankful that you live a transparent life filled with love, honesty and integrity. You live a life of faithfulness, commitment, and diligence. I see God's calling on your life day after day. Yes, Kim is right there is the motivation to serve God in order to avoid personal misery. However the higher calling is to know that these people will be lost without a Shepard. Feed the sheep Sherri out of your love for Jesus.~ Kathy
I totally agree with Kim, Jeff and Kathy in everything they said. Sherri, you are such a vital part of the church and I truly look up to you and your leadership. I respect you completely and no matter what may be assumed about you by anyone, the only person you need to be concerned with is what is inside you ... your honesty, your integrety, your love for your church and your love for God. I love your leadership, I love your guitar playing, I love your singing, and I love your prayers and worship, all of which brings me peace in my heart. You should always hold your head high because you are so very worthy. In the big picture, what does it matter what anyone says or assumes about any of us? Time always brings about the truth. You are a very loving, caring and good person. With Love, Gloria
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