A Bad Day

I feel utterly alone and desperate. Never have I had so much to say and not a soul to tell it too. I once had friends but I find more often than not that they are as lousy at friendship as I am. This isn’t pity………..it is my fault and it’s a path I chose to walk. I suppose it just gets overwhelming and surely there is an outlet some place in this world. There is no one who knows the whole story but then I don’t think anyone’s story is ever really told, at least not all of it and never to just one person. We are fragments of a whole, pieces that generally do not fit together but we keep trying to force them. The fragments of me that I have been trying to force just seem to shatter more and more leaving me with slivers of something that I no longer recognize. Darkness has crept in between the broken pieces and the more the pieces shatter, the more the darkness invades. With each piece of light that is swallowed by the blackness the less hope can shine in such places. I no longer dream of what tomorrow can hold but I live only to mark this day off as one I have made it through. As I write that last sentence, I wonder what exactly a day looks like that one doesn’t make it through. We hear and say that all the time ……”If I can just make it through this day….” Then what? How do you know if you have made it through the day………..how do you know if you haven’t made it? If you are still here physically does that mean you made it? What of the pieces that you left, that are no longer a part of who you are? I suppose they didn’t make it and when all the little pieces that make up the whole of me are gone then I imagine that will be the day that I don’t make it through.