Finding Rest

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

12:56 AM

I have not written here lately not because I didn't have anything to say but because I had too much to say. My life has been a little like a roller coaster with every turn and twist bringing a different emotion and a different reaction to the things happening around me. I don't know if the roller coaster has completely come to a stop or maybe it's just on one of those straight stretches that sets you up for the next big climb and fall. I suppose if the roller coaster completely stopped then so would life. I still have too much to say and too many things to sort through to actually be able to write about them but tonight I found a rest that I had needed for several months. It wasn't a physical rest but rather a rest that my soul needed. Our church has been growing lately and a revival of sorts has broken out. Instead of meeting just once a week for service, it seems the people can't get enough and they have been meeting on Mondays, Wednesdays, Saturdays and Sunday. I mostly look forward to these meetings but at the same time they have been a little draining on me. The services have usually been very emotional in one way or another. The more emotional or moving the services have been, the more energized the people have become. I guess for me it has an opposite effect. I don't always do well with all the feelings and emotions. I learned several years ago that unleashing all those feelings and emotions leads to turmoil in my life. I had forgotten what that turmoil could feel like and what it could do in my life so God allowed me a little reminder here lately. I dropped the walls to those deep feelings and allowed all those emotions to be explored and felt. Emotions and feelings aren't bad things and I don't believe one should ever stop experiencing the wide range of emotions and feelings that God has given us. I also believe that some of us can lose control of those feelings if they are left unchecked. So during this last month I have been trying to clean up the mess of emotions that I have let run unchecked in my life. But that is another blog entry. Getting back to the church services. While the others have been energized by all these wonderfully emotionally charged services, I have felt drained and emptied. So today when the phone began ringing and people began texting saying let's have "church" this evening, I ignored my phone. I thought if I don't answer it then I won't be persuaded to go to yet another emotionally charged service. I also had hoped that by not answering the phone that I might escape the feelings of guilt that would come with saying no to another church service. But God used one of those people today to convince me that I could come and just sit in the pew and be ministered to. So I went with very little expectation but nevertheless I went. So for most of the time I was there I did indeed sit in a pew and it felt good. I enjoyed what was happening around me but still I had not found what I was looking for which I think now was rest and not physical rest but a rest in my soul. My soul has felt battered lately and just wore down. It seemed that every time I thought healing was coming that something would come to snatch it away. It seemed always just out of reach. Tonight for a few minutes I found that healing, that Balm that is in Gilead that makes the wounded whole. It came in two ways: through an unexpectant but welcome friend and through a precious little infant. At some point in the service a few worship videos were played and people were worshiping and singing. As was holding this baby and singing, a sense of rest and healing in my soul began to take place. There was no great wave of feelings or emotions like some were experiencing but rather the opposite for me. My soul found rest for that time and somewhere within my soul I heard and felt God say "I Am" and that is all you need for the moment. That friend who gently convinced me to come and find rest in a pew has been a source of that soothing balm as well. So many others have expectations or needs or it just seems to require a lot of energy right now to maintain some relationships but this friendship brings me rest. It's a rest that speaks to that same place within me that hold Seth brought to me tonight. For those few minutes the world just slipped away and there was nothing but Seth and God and a feeling of awe of just being in God's presence. My soul found rest, it found that balm that can heal a sin sick soul. What I felt was my soul connecting with God's spirit and speaking to my spirit saying "God is and that's enough for this moment.

 
 

 
 

 
 

 
 

There is a balm in Gilead

To make the wounded whole;

There is a balm in Gilead

To heal the sin sick soul.

 
 

Sometimes I feel discouraged,

And think my work's in vain,

But then the Holy Spirit

Revives my soul again.

 
 

Pasted from <http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/t/i/tisabalm.htm>