Seeing Jesus

My heart is heavy tonight with a burden for our church, our pastor, and our members. Tonight I watched and listened to our choir during practice and it is just overwhelming to me the work that God has done there. I looked around tonight and saw a group of people who love each other and who love God above all. There was a time we could barely sing as a choir let alone lead the congregation in worship and song. Worship has become as natural as breathing to them now. I feel I have failed miserably in some aspects lately with the choir. I have not been the leader they have needed at times. I have let my own sin separate me from the very thing God has called me to do. At times I know I have been a stumbling block for the choir members. I have thought of quitting recently but something inside of me just can't fathom what life would be like without those people and that outlet for music and for worship. As we met tonight and prayed for some upcoming events this weekend, the prayer that kept coming out of me was that God would empty my heart of everything but Jesus. There is a song that says "Only this I want but to know the Lord and to bear his cross so to wear the crown he wore." I don't know how to empty myself of the selfishness in my heart and the deceit that often lives there. I only know that I have to know Him more, to be like him more and to be less of me.

There is a friend that seems to have grasped this concept much more than I have. She is someone that looks like Jesus to me. Whenever I can't seem to find my way or when I think God has left me because I am not worthy for God to even be near me let alone work through me………she is there encouraging me and telling me that God loves me and that she loves me. It really isn't the words she speaks to me that makes the big difference when I am down or discouraged. What makes the difference is looking at her and seeing what surely must be a heart like Jesus looking back at me and saying its ok I'm here. It doesn't matter if I'm wrong or right in whatever thing it is that is on my mind that day…….it just doesn't matter because I know she will still be standing there when all the dust settles and others have moved on. She is what I call a "steady on" person.

I can think of no better person than to be in the spiritual trenches with this coming weekend. I can think of no other who will model Christ's love even while her heart is breaking for the things that this weekend will bring. I only hope that when she needs to see Jesus that she can find him in me as I have found him in her. Thank you friend.