This Is Love

John 15:13 says Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. It occurred to me tonight that this passage has a much deeper meaning than what appears on the surface. I believe we would all consider it a great love if someone were willing to take a bullet for us and to die so we could live. We all know that the love Jesus had for all of us was this type of love because he did exactly that…….He laid down his life so that we might live. The more I thought about this tonight the more I realized that there is more here than living and dying. Friday night our church group shared communion and a simple foot washing service together. Our theme for the evening centered on brokenness and how by giving that brokenness to God and in some ways to each other we might be able to find a wholeness again and find healing. It was a very moving time and I am sure that some healing took place but I believe there was also a kind of "laying down our life for another" so that they might begin to find healing. No one had to die in the physical sense. Jesus has already done that for each of us but some other type of dying took place. Some of us saw our pride die, if only for that short time, so that others could see a brokenness and a realness that would allow them to lay down their own brokenness so that they might live. Some of us gave our hurt away to death so that others might live in the life that comes from offering to help carry that hurt. There was one particular death I saw that night that allowed me to gain life. I saw a friend give her hurt and her anger and disappointments up just long enough for me to glimpse the true face of my friend, a friend I have missed for quite a time. I don't remember the exact words she spoke to me after she washed my feet but what I do remember is her grabbing my face in both hands, as she had done in the past, and saying with whatever words…"I love you." She gave up a piece of her life in order to do that. She gave that of herself in order that I might find life, a life that I thought was dead. She breathed life back into a friendship for a moment that up until that point had more death than life in it. I know she had to push aside some things in order to do it. Some things in side of her had to die if only for that brief moment, things she had to let go of in order to give that life for that time. So when she put her hands around my face I was taken back to a year or so ago when she made the same gesture and said to me "don't you understand there is nothing you can ever do that will make a difference to me. I love you……I just love you." There is no greater love than this, that a friend lay down her life (her disappointments , her anger , her mistrust, her hurt) for her friend. I am humbled by her ability to love no matter what ……….there is no but…….just I love you.

Pasted from <http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+15&version=NIV>

Do You Forgive Me? Really Forgive Me.....

I have been thinking lately about forgiveness. A while back there was some conflict in our church which resulted in some leaving. I heard the other day one of those who stayed say that "all was forgiven". I wondered at that.......how can all be forgiven when there has been no discussion or no exchange of words at all. Can you blanket all of the wrongs done to you with one "all is forgiven"? I don't think that's possible. Here is why I don't think it works that way. You may say in your heart and in your mind that you have forgiven all but have you accepted forgiveness from them? When we say we forgive all doesn't it say somewhere underneath that statement that we have done no wrong and we possess the power alone to forgive? Forgiveness is a two way street. I don't think we can only walk one-way down that street. How can you extend forgiveness to me when I don't even know what my wrongdoing is? Is it possible that both parties are responsible and both need forgiveness but yet if you blanket all of it then you deny me the opportunity to accept your forgiveness and you deny me the opportunity to offer you forgiveness. If one party believes that they alone can offer forgiveness and do not need to accept forgiveness as well then I would say forgiveness has not really been offered. Jesus offered himself as a sacrifice and he said basically all is forgiven but yet even Jesus requires me to come to him and confess my sin and my wrong doing in order to actually receive that forgiveness.

State of the Church Address

Mighty Hand Fellowship came into being just six short months ago. I am amazed and astonished by the work that has already taken place and the accomplishments that have been made by this group of people. God has truly been in our midst and richly blessed us with many gifts. I believe this is a good time to reflect on where we have been and where we are going. The Psalms frequently encourage us to remember all that God has done and to rejoice in the marvelous ways that God has moved among us. As we worship each Sunday in this wonderful place that God led us to we look back to our beginning and marvel at our journey.

We began as a few people who met for a small group Bible study twice a month and as a choir that longed for relationship with our God and each other. With hearts filled with worship we longed to lead others to that place of communion with God. We grew from a small group of 8-10 who met in each other's homes to a group that filled the church building. The choir grew from a few members who met to practice to a body of believers who met together for church service with the choir leading the way. We together found that we had become more than what the current church organization that we belonged to could support. We found ourselves without an organization to call our own so God led us on an Exodus to a new land. With a mighty hand God turned our seemingly impassable sea into dry land and Mighty Hand Fellowship was born.

We met first in a member's home and within a few weeks we were moving to our own building. Most of us had prayed for our own building but God gave to us over and above what we envisioned as our first building, a beautiful sanctuary, a fellowship hall, classrooms and a kitchen of our own. We watched as God met our needs one by one. We had no chairs but within a week we had chairs enough to fill the sanctuary. Our passion was praise and worship in the form of music and our sanctuary came equipped with a small stage area already wired for a sound system which a member so graciously supplied. Another member came forward with an incredible keyboard and there were drums and guitars and plenty of tambourines to go around. A board was elected and pastors were put into place and so we were on our way, running the race that God set before us.

All was not perfect in our blessed church though. We soon realized that we came with faults and imperfections. We were capable of turning on each other and hurting one another. We came with issues and things we kept hid and now the light was exposing them. We soon discovered that we all live messy lives of faith and in the midst of it all we discovered God's grace and mercy. We cried and we healed and we grew stronger. We doubted ourselves and questioned how we even arrived at the place we were in. Did we do the right thing? Did we exhaust all other avenues before we ventured out on our own? Was it a step of faith or was it arrogance?

Then one day there was our answer standing in front of us. Twenty-seven children of all sizes, colors, shapes and personalities, a rainbow of children from upper middle class to the lowest of economic classes. There they stood, smiling, clapping and singing "Deep and Wide" and "There's No God like Jehovah". From our own children to children of the surrounding community, from children raised in church to those that had never been in a church. God had met us here in the face of a child who did not know us but kept asking to sing "that Mighty Hand song".

God met us in other ways as well. Those that came in off the street seeking help through prayer. Those that were hungry and those that were addicted and needed a safe place to say I need help. We saw God in those that found us because the other churches did not want them. We saw drag Queens that came because they could be who God created them to be.

So six months into our journey and we have seen God move in mighty ways. We have church pews to fill the sanctuary, a new sound system and other church equipment. We have seen God move in the hearts of those in control of things such as rent and other finances. We have seen business donate hundreds of dollars to help us purchase things such as outdoor signs. We have seen children fill our church for a week of celebration and laughter and learning of Jesus. We have fed the hungry and clothed the homeless. We have seen our own youth perform drama's that stirred a passion for Christ deep within us.

God has truly blessed us with material things, with wonderful people and wonderful uplifting services; sermons that speak to our souls and our mind, music that makes our feet dance and moves us to tears. But mostly we have been blessed with a need for grace. A need that has brought us to our knees and then raised us again. Grace that has poured over us even as we found ourselves broken and hurting, not from a cruel world but from each other. God met us here with grace and mercy that allowed us to say to each other "I love you" not perfectly and not always in a beautiful way. Sometimes our love is sloppy and our faith is wobbly and our lives are messy but grace lives here and is poured out through God's mighty hand and covers us. May our next six months show us more of God's grace as we seek to know God more and to love each other more and to reach a world that so desperately has a need for grace.

Sherri Karnes/moderator MHF

Don’t Bury My Bones Yet

I have spent the better part of this week trying to figure out how I came to be so far off track with my last blog. I promise it started with the best of intentions but I took a wrong turn someplace. The truth is I spouted off without much thought to who it would effect. I had no idea that more than 3 people actually read this thing. So since I shared the selfish and thoughtless ramblings last time I thought I would share the other side of them this week. I hope I don't make any wrong turns with this one.

A friend reminded me this week that I have spent the last several months praying that God would send leaders to our church. Not just people to fill up the chairs but people with the ability and spiritual depth to lead. She reminded me that what and who God chooses is not up to me and God doesn't have to get my approval before sending someone. I guess we all kind of do that with prayer sometimes. We say God we need "this" and then God answers that prayer and we say "wait now that wasn't exactly what I had in mind." It's a good thing that God is all knowing and can see the bigger picture because we usually can't see past the 4x4 sticking out of our eye. I listened to one of our new members bring the message last Sunday night and I thought the point she made was very much right on target especially with me. She talked about how God buried Moses' body and the Israelites to this day have no idea where the body was buried. She made the point that if they had known they would have dug it up and most likely used it much as they had made other idols to worship instead of just worshipping God. She talked about how we bury our Moses' and then we go dig them back up…well I am very good that. I wondered while she was speaking if maybe I wasn't a Moses in the life of this church and maybe they should bury me so they could move on to bigger and better places. So here I am facing the people that God has brought into our church because we have asked Him to bring us leaders. Now what will I do? Will I continue to obsess about what they think of me? Will I continue to think that I wouldn't do things the way they do them or will I be the leader that God called me to be? Sometimes God calls us to get out of the way not to be gone and buried but just to get out of the way. One of the biggest blessings I have ever received came when I finally removed myself a little and got out of the way. I spent several years solely leading the choir and then one day God sent another who obviously had different talents and in many ways much more talent than I had. I had struggled with losing control but when I finally got out of the way then I began to see the vision I had for the choir come to fruition. Sometimes God gives us a vision and we think because we have the vision that no one else can add to it or take that vision and go further with it. I am learning that it takes all of us to bring about the vision God has given us.

 
 

All of the things that I thought I wanted to say just really never came out but I believe I have said what was in my heart. I need to apologize to Tiffany and that should be done face to face not on a blog. I may not agree with her on some things but I know that God has a place for her within this church. I made assumptions as the last blog is so rightly named and I'm sure she made some but that's what we do as humans. We make assumptions and screw up but what counts is what we do about it. So don't bury my bones yet I believe God still has some things for me to do.

 
 

Assumptions

 

I am considering resigning my position as Board member and Moderator of our church. How can I lead a congregation of people when some in the congregation think I am not fit to lead? We are a group of people who have been discriminated against because of who we love and now we are turning on our own and doing the same. I don't really care if someone disagrees with who I love but I do care that they make assumptions and then act on those assumptions without ever attempting to find out the truth. Here is a prime example of this: We have some new people at our church and the first few Sundays they really enjoyed the worship and especially the singing which I lead. They even had commented on the sweet spirit that seemed to be present while I was leading worship. They even went so far as to say the Sunday evening service was lacking that "spirit" because myself and another person do not attend the Sunday evening services. Now I would probably take issue with the Spirit thing but that isn't the point here. They overheard a conversation that gave them some false information a couple of Sundays ago. The next time we were in church together they had changed their opinion of me and no longer thought that I was worth their time to even speak to. They made an assumption and then acted on it without ever finding out the truth or even caring to find out the truth. Finding the truth is often much harder than just making an assumption. Making that assumption requires no energy on our part and requires no face to face conversation with those whom you are making the assumption about. While the assumption takes no action on the part of the one assuming, it requires an enormous amount of time and energy and pain from those who the assumption is about. I personally had to have several conversations with people who had been exposed to this assumption. These conversations weren't exactly pleasant and they often revealed parts of me that I had not intended to discuss at that moment with those people. I didn't make the mess but I had to clean it up. The thing that bothers me the most about these assumptions is that they came from people who are leaders in our church and one who would like to be a leader in our church. Here is the problem I have with remaining in a leadership role in this church: If those who are leaders will do this then how can they lead a congregation. I cannot fight forever for a congregation of people who prefer this type of leadership. I have a real problem with the one who would like to be a leader in our church but so easily made her assumption and acted on it. If that is the level of integrity then they have no business leading people anywhere. If she couldn't even have a conversation to find out the truth before she acted on it, then what kind of message will she send to a congregation full of people who are vulnerable and desperately need integrity and honesty and true leadership? The sad thing is that these people choose this type of leadership. They don't want to know the truth and they don't want to grapple with their faith and their relationship with God. The book of James tells us that our salvation should be worked out with fear and trembling. I believe this refers to a struggle to find the truth, to work out that which we believe and the way in which we are going to live. It doesn't mean we just make assumptions and act on them. There certainly isn't much work in that and certainly no soul searching and grappling with God or our faith.

 
 

So if this is the leadership they want then why do I bang my head against a wall with them. I am not always full of truth and integrity but I will give it all I have to try and find that truth and act on it rather than an assumption. I can only conclude from this that they do not want a person like me in leadership whether it is because of how I live or how I lead. It seems the same thing to me. But then I guess I may be making an assumption.

 
 

 
 

Living and Dying by Our Emotions

I have not written here since leaving my former church and helping to start the current church I attend. First let me say there are very good things in each of these churches and wonderful people in each. But hindsight is a bitter sweet gift is it not? Looking back I now see all the deception and lies that brought us to where we are. I know that God can and does take our wrong choices and turns them into something good. I know that even though we have been led down a wrong path that God will use that path to teach us something while moving us back to the path we should be on. I have watched from day 1 a group of people being swept up by this great emotionalism that has become a way of "doing" church. I watch week after week as the co-pastor of MHF tries to whip up some emotion for the people to ride and if she can't get them on her emotional wagon then the church service is declared a "bad" one. Sunday after Sunday the people leave with nothing more than emotions to get them thru the week. There is no spiritual food only fluff. Emotions flare week after week because that is all that we have. I grew up in churches like these and I promised myself I would not go back to one but I find myself leading one. I can no longer lead these people in the direction they choose to follow. I can no longer lead myself I have found. I long each week for a service with substance but it never happens. I'm at a crossroads here and I have no idea what to do. I can't go back to where I came from...I would never ask those people to extend any welcome to me regardless of how deceived I and others were in leaving there. I cannot stay where I am unless something drastically changes. So for now I will listen and hope and pray that it's not too late to hear God calling and maybe this time I will get it right.

sherri

Seeing Jesus

My heart is heavy tonight with a burden for our church, our pastor, and our members. Tonight I watched and listened to our choir during practice and it is just overwhelming to me the work that God has done there. I looked around tonight and saw a group of people who love each other and who love God above all. There was a time we could barely sing as a choir let alone lead the congregation in worship and song. Worship has become as natural as breathing to them now. I feel I have failed miserably in some aspects lately with the choir. I have not been the leader they have needed at times. I have let my own sin separate me from the very thing God has called me to do. At times I know I have been a stumbling block for the choir members. I have thought of quitting recently but something inside of me just can't fathom what life would be like without those people and that outlet for music and for worship. As we met tonight and prayed for some upcoming events this weekend, the prayer that kept coming out of me was that God would empty my heart of everything but Jesus. There is a song that says "Only this I want but to know the Lord and to bear his cross so to wear the crown he wore." I don't know how to empty myself of the selfishness in my heart and the deceit that often lives there. I only know that I have to know Him more, to be like him more and to be less of me.

There is a friend that seems to have grasped this concept much more than I have. She is someone that looks like Jesus to me. Whenever I can't seem to find my way or when I think God has left me because I am not worthy for God to even be near me let alone work through me………she is there encouraging me and telling me that God loves me and that she loves me. It really isn't the words she speaks to me that makes the big difference when I am down or discouraged. What makes the difference is looking at her and seeing what surely must be a heart like Jesus looking back at me and saying its ok I'm here. It doesn't matter if I'm wrong or right in whatever thing it is that is on my mind that day…….it just doesn't matter because I know she will still be standing there when all the dust settles and others have moved on. She is what I call a "steady on" person.

I can think of no better person than to be in the spiritual trenches with this coming weekend. I can think of no other who will model Christ's love even while her heart is breaking for the things that this weekend will bring. I only hope that when she needs to see Jesus that she can find him in me as I have found him in her. Thank you friend.

Finding Rest

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

12:56 AM

I have not written here lately not because I didn't have anything to say but because I had too much to say. My life has been a little like a roller coaster with every turn and twist bringing a different emotion and a different reaction to the things happening around me. I don't know if the roller coaster has completely come to a stop or maybe it's just on one of those straight stretches that sets you up for the next big climb and fall. I suppose if the roller coaster completely stopped then so would life. I still have too much to say and too many things to sort through to actually be able to write about them but tonight I found a rest that I had needed for several months. It wasn't a physical rest but rather a rest that my soul needed. Our church has been growing lately and a revival of sorts has broken out. Instead of meeting just once a week for service, it seems the people can't get enough and they have been meeting on Mondays, Wednesdays, Saturdays and Sunday. I mostly look forward to these meetings but at the same time they have been a little draining on me. The services have usually been very emotional in one way or another. The more emotional or moving the services have been, the more energized the people have become. I guess for me it has an opposite effect. I don't always do well with all the feelings and emotions. I learned several years ago that unleashing all those feelings and emotions leads to turmoil in my life. I had forgotten what that turmoil could feel like and what it could do in my life so God allowed me a little reminder here lately. I dropped the walls to those deep feelings and allowed all those emotions to be explored and felt. Emotions and feelings aren't bad things and I don't believe one should ever stop experiencing the wide range of emotions and feelings that God has given us. I also believe that some of us can lose control of those feelings if they are left unchecked. So during this last month I have been trying to clean up the mess of emotions that I have let run unchecked in my life. But that is another blog entry. Getting back to the church services. While the others have been energized by all these wonderfully emotionally charged services, I have felt drained and emptied. So today when the phone began ringing and people began texting saying let's have "church" this evening, I ignored my phone. I thought if I don't answer it then I won't be persuaded to go to yet another emotionally charged service. I also had hoped that by not answering the phone that I might escape the feelings of guilt that would come with saying no to another church service. But God used one of those people today to convince me that I could come and just sit in the pew and be ministered to. So I went with very little expectation but nevertheless I went. So for most of the time I was there I did indeed sit in a pew and it felt good. I enjoyed what was happening around me but still I had not found what I was looking for which I think now was rest and not physical rest but a rest in my soul. My soul has felt battered lately and just wore down. It seemed that every time I thought healing was coming that something would come to snatch it away. It seemed always just out of reach. Tonight for a few minutes I found that healing, that Balm that is in Gilead that makes the wounded whole. It came in two ways: through an unexpectant but welcome friend and through a precious little infant. At some point in the service a few worship videos were played and people were worshiping and singing. As was holding this baby and singing, a sense of rest and healing in my soul began to take place. There was no great wave of feelings or emotions like some were experiencing but rather the opposite for me. My soul found rest for that time and somewhere within my soul I heard and felt God say "I Am" and that is all you need for the moment. That friend who gently convinced me to come and find rest in a pew has been a source of that soothing balm as well. So many others have expectations or needs or it just seems to require a lot of energy right now to maintain some relationships but this friendship brings me rest. It's a rest that speaks to that same place within me that hold Seth brought to me tonight. For those few minutes the world just slipped away and there was nothing but Seth and God and a feeling of awe of just being in God's presence. My soul found rest, it found that balm that can heal a sin sick soul. What I felt was my soul connecting with God's spirit and speaking to my spirit saying "God is and that's enough for this moment.

 
 

 
 

 
 

 
 

There is a balm in Gilead

To make the wounded whole;

There is a balm in Gilead

To heal the sin sick soul.

 
 

Sometimes I feel discouraged,

And think my work's in vain,

But then the Holy Spirit

Revives my soul again.

 
 

Pasted from <http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/t/i/tisabalm.htm>